I’ve always wanted to go to New York. It’s supposed to be the greatest city in the world, and many books, movies, or TV series explain why you have to be there. However, the last two novels I read, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Otessa Moshfegh, both taking place in New York, which made me realise that it might not be the magical place everyone thinks it is. Want to know what these novels are about, and which part New York plays in them? Read on!
Sylvia Plath’s only novel, The Bell Jar, starts with the notion that its protagonist, Esther Greenwood, has “no idea what she was doing in New York.” She is there because her short stories have won her a paid summer internship. This first sentence shows that she is not quite in the right mindset to enjoy anything at all, and the rest of the novel shows her slow descent into depression, leading to a suicide attempt and hospitalisation in a mental institute.
The nameless narrator in Otessa Moshfegh’s novel My Year of Rest and Relaxation shares the same fate: like Esther, she writes about how she lives in New York but doesn’t want to be there. Instead of coping with the death of her parents, she decides to check out of her life for a year, after which she’ll feel much better. We follow her as she finds a therapist who will supply her with the drugs that will keep her asleep for days on end.
Both novels are about privileged white girls feeling depressed. Occasionally, I related to both of them (despite both of them being not the most sympathetic characters ever; Esther does some pretty unkind things to her friends, and the unnamed protagonist of Moshfegh’s novel is simply a horrible person). That’s because I, and probably many privileged white women with me, tend to feel down from time to time, too, and it feels like I don’t know how to cope with everything that’s expected of me. However, that’s not what struck me while reading these novels. What stood out to me was that they were feeling depressed in New York.
I have never been to New York, but somehow it feels like I know it. That’s because it’s often described as the centre of the world, and the only place in the United States you want to be. It is supposed to be magical, revolutionary, unique, Europe-like (which, according to the Eurocentric view, is perfect), and you’re supposed never to want to leave as soon as you’re there. So why, I wondered, are Esther and Mosfegh’s nameless narrator not happy to be there?
Both girls feel depressed, but they describe their feelings in very different ways. Esther writes down everything she sees in vivid detail, paying special attention to colours. This made me feel like New York feels vibrant and alive, serving as a juxtaposition to Esther’s feelings about herself. The narrator of My Year of Rest and Relaxation, however, makes it very clear straight from the start that she wants to limit her exposure to the outside world; the only times she ventures outside is to buy groceries from a dodgy shop very close to where she lives. Eventually, the only world she inhabits is the bed in which she spends all her time sleeping.
While reading, I noticed that New York is such a perfect setting for novels featuring depressed privileged white girls. I think it’s because that city is so big that nobody notices when you’re there, let alone when you’re not. It’s a relentless, hungry city that seems to eat insecure girls for breakfast. Furthermore, it is worth noting that both novels are set in the backdrop of historical events; The Bell Jar is a Cold War novel and part of the sexual revolution, while My Year of Rest and Relaxation hints at the third wave of feminism and 9/11 is foreshadowed quite early on in the novel. However, both characters are oblivious to anything happening around them, because they’re so obsessed with themselves and their feelings.
While reading both novels, I dreamt about living in New York. Would I walk around smiling, absorbing every single detail? Would I try to walk in the footsteps of all those famous people who lived there? Would I try to visit all those famous buildings that I’d seen on tv? Would I try to get tickets for all those Broadway shows and sporting events? Would it, in short, be everything I expected it to be? Would I be happy there? Part of me thinks that being in New York would make me a better person, a whole person.
Or would I, a privileged white woman, feel similar to Esther and the protagonist of My Year of Rest and Relaxation? Would I feel lonely? Would I walk around there feeling like nobody cared about me? Would it feel like I didn’t belong there? Would I feel like being in New York confirms just how small and insignificant I truly am?
If I’m being honest, I’m afraid it’s the latter. I haven’t been feeling too good recently. I’ve been overworked, I’ve been stressed, and I’ve been so, so tired – like Esther and the depressed girl in Moshfegh’s novel. I have not even managed to write that much in the last couple of weeks, and I’ve felt insecure about that. I’ve been afraid I might not be creative or intelligent anymore, and I occasionally feel like I’m stuck here in this city in the north of the Netherlands. Reading novels set in New York makes me want to go there, even though the characters living there are depressed. The positive part of me hopes the city would cure me of my negative thoughts. New York has inspired so many novels, so why wouldn’t it inspire me?
Let’s return to Esther’s statement in the opening sentence of The Bell Jar, where she says she has no idea what she’s doing, for that’s how I’ve been feeling lately.
I just wish I had no idea what I was doing… in New York.
What did you think of The Bell Jar and My Year of Rest and Relaxation? Have you ever been to New York? Do you think New York is the place to be, or a city you should avoid at all costs? Did you feel any sympathy for Esther or the protagonist of Moshfegh’s novel? Which other novels set in New York are similar to this one? Please let me know in the comments! Also, don’t forget to follow me for more bookish posts!
The Open Book 